My Colorful Life - in Almighty Hand Forever

It’s been long time since last time update this blog. I can not imagine how fast the time flies, without my full involvement in all my activities. Some days filled with fatigue-ness which is not expected yet accompany me through my hard-deadline-time. I guess it makes me more like what I am no'w, a independent, more depend to God even in my little aspects in my life, hopefully not too independent in the perspective of human. Enough with the days when the tears and mourns coloring my days, enough with the insecure feeling I had, enough with the try-do-beat-the-other-top-achiever, enough with always-try-to-be-perfect ... I am not perfect, and I am proud of myself. Contemplating sometime inevitable for me. Guess it's an attribute of an introvert, although I myself sometimes feel the opposite of it.

Pernahkah kalian merasakan amnesia terstruktur dimana yang dilupakan adalah peristiwa-peristiwa tertentu dalam rentang waktu tertentu .... Saya benar-benar lupa namanya saya telah lupa tanggal lahirnya saya hampir lupa dengan kesukaannya saya lupa dengan kenangan-kenangan di antara kami karena ini saatnya bergerak maju, dan tidak dihantui oleh kenangan masa lalu Really, I really forgot most of them

Sekarang gua lagi merasa berada di persimpangan jalan .. kalao kita berada di persimpangan jalan Pratunam it's OK bisa memilih ke Platinum, Big C ato ke arah Pratunam.. kita bisa melihat bagaimana keadaan jalannya, apakah crowded atao tidak, macet ato tidak. sedangkan gua lagi di persimpangan jalan, ga kelihatan optionnya apa aja ... apalagi di balik jalan tersebut, apa yang menunggu juga tidak tahu. Mana jalan berkabut lagi ... hik hik hik Ya dibandingkan beberapa waktu lalu, apakah ini tegar ato karena udah ilang rasa Feels like lost my feeling my senses but still alive, looks like dream but it's real ... Yet can not figure what is in front of me What's waiting for me there I miss my frens ... where are you now???

Mon, 29 Sept 2008 I've prayed and applied to be a lecturer in a university but still no news yet. I believe You have provided me the better one for me. I don't know what that is, but I BELIEVE ... I BELIEVE. You are able! Nothing is impossible for You (Luk 1 : 37) Thurs, 24 Sept 2008 This is the time when my life seems, feels STUCK, STAGNANT

Sea Games just started this Dec 6, 2007 until Dec 15, 2007. It was a very good opportunity to participate in that very spectacular event to my opinion. Not as an athlete of course. You know that even some friends praised me of my slim build :P I don't like physical exercises. Thanks to the family heritage that I keep slim even I eat everything and almost in bigger portion compared to other woman .... Back to Sea Games 2007, me and other students were offered to help in the Sea Games committee from the our Embassy side. It was very promising, even set a tour to Nakhon Ratchasima the main stadion for the event. I'm quite disappointed that we were not involved eventually. I don't know what is the reason(s) behind it, I just know that I am very disappointed. It is just so right, the time and the place, now that I am in Thailand and have time to participate, why this must be cancelled? Maybe this is the best for me. I just surrender to God, for He know the best for me. Well now ...

I don't understand other people. When I want to do something I like, it's a rare chance for me. It's a happy time for me. But then my fren B he always talk bad about it, especially if my happiness in concern with another friend C. B is more senior than me, I expect he should be more mature than me. Support me when I have chance to do something I like which I've ignored for a long time. If B has a problem with C, it's not my problem. It's not my fault either. Why do you blame me for what happened to you ? I even don;t understand what is there between B and C? So why do I must be involved with your bad feeling? Please forgive me B, it's difficult for me to agree with your opinion. I can not even smile for now, only for this matter. Maybe tomorrow I will smile and forget all this ridiculous thing. Let me not have any evil in my heart.

Tadi pagi masih jam 2 am. Suasana semestinya sunyi senyap karena itu saatnya orang tidur. Saya terbangun karena ada suara-suara di luar. Saya melongok dari jendela dan mengintip dari korden kamarku. Ada seorang laki-laki dan perempuan yang bertengkar. Lelaki terlihat lebih tua, sedangkan yang perempuan itu mahasiswa suatu universitas, karena dia masih mengenakan seragam kuliahnya yang hitam putih. Tidak jelas apakah hubungan di antara mereka, apakah mereka itu keluarga atau suami istri. Mereka berteriak-teriak dalam bahasa Thai yang otomatis saya tidak mengerti sepatah katapun. Karena masih kaget dengan suara-suara tersebut saya masih terpaku di jendela. Tiba-tiba si lelaki memukul perempuan itu. Dia menendangnya di punggung, di perut, menampar wajahnya. Yang perempuan menangis dan menjerit-jerit seta berusaha untuk lari. Sejurus terdengar ada tetangga sebelah kamar juga yang terbangun dan mungkin juga ikut menyaksikan peristiwa itu. Si lelaki saya pikir mungkin dalam keadaan mabuk, te...

Yesterday when I went to Mall to buy shoes, I was helped by a girl of that department store. My shoes just wanted to be change somehow and it's at the beginning of the month better hurry to purchase it ha ha .. First I didn't notice the girl. When she kneel down to get the shoes, I saw her long pants which was too low waisted and showed her body not supposed to be seen. I thought want to say something to her, but I consider maybe she would be angry or not. So I just knew that she has a round stomach that's why her long pants become low waisted. And then I realized that she is pregnant. When I paid for the shoes I asked her. She is only 16 years old and she is a mother now. She seemed embarrassed and went away as quick as she could. I've heard that many of teenagers in Thailand have premarital sex and get pregnant in their very young age. But yesterday I saw it, an example before my eyes. I felt pain in my heart, wow ... what a stupid girl and in the other hand, it's...

Since yesterday, I have sore throat. It's painful in all my body. I contacted my sister in Indonesia to get the traditional recipe for this. She told me to drink fresh milk (cow's milk not bean's milk), and drink water+ salt before breakfast, which has been prepared from night before. So yesterday I bought a big packs of Thai Danish milk the red color (fresh and plain) and I drank 2 boxes of them. It's better now, the fever is reduced but my head still aching and spinning. Still feel lazy to interact with people. Lazy to smile, the world so cloudy, but not rainy yet :D :D :D Want to take rest but last week I already took sick leave to recover from my headache and stomachache. Guess my face is green and my eyes are red, my tongue is blue. HIIiiii

31.08.07 This morning Youtube is enabled. I try to search the the clips I wanted last months ... but I coult not find it. Irony, glad and sad at the same time.

It's been one year I am here. Just wonder how are you doing ? I hope you are not sad. I hope you could enjoy your job and activities there, even without me to accompany you. I miss you full stop. Dunno what to write today :D :D

Student : Excuse me, I would like to submit my revised project report according to the Committee’s comments. Officer : Have you fill the form? Student : What form? Officer : Binding form Student : No, not yet. Officer : Here is the form Student : Thank you. (Reading the form) I submit one copy for grammar and format checking. Officer : There is no need for it. Just submit 2 copies and 1 softcopy in CD Student : But last time when I came here I was told to submit one copy for grammar and format checking. Officer : ??? Student : ##!@ If I’ve known this before, I would have prepared 2 copies and the CD. ##!@ The icon is taken from: http://images.google.co.th/imgres?imgurl=http://www.teach-nology.com/worksheets/early_childhood/wordofweek/emotions/angry.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.teach-nology.com/worksheets/early_childhood/wordofweek/emotions/angry/&h=600&w=600&sz=18&tbnid=WAKSg79NSiM87M:&tbnh=135&tbnw=135&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dangry%26um%3D1&start=2&sa=X...

This story I still dunno how to continue and to end, of course I will make it happy ending for the lead roles. Maybe this is what another author faces, a time when dunno what to write .. So lazy, and need more inspiration. To be precise, I need more holiday!

Have you ever boring in your life? I am so so boring. I don;t know where to go ... what to read ... things seem so not interesting to me at this point. I don't want to talk to anybody .. I just want to be alone. Can you understand ? Please don;t ask me questions, please let be me who know the answers. Even some questions I don;t have the answers ... I am boring. I want to see my first love. I am boring to search for him, ... it's been more than 10 years.

I was so angry ... I want that CD so much. It is very meaningful for me. A very sweet and beautiful old song sang by the original singer. Reminds me of somebody I love and I will always love. I have saved my money carefully for months. Until then, when I have enough money I went there. But you were there also. You who so rich, can't you buy other CD ? You took something that is very precious for me. We had quarrel for it. I was not proud of it, no. I am not such a high tempered person, but your words has triggered me. Why man can't be responsible for what he done ? How come ? He is sort of unworthy man. Doesnot know how to appreciate others. Why after this long you still made me angry all the time I see you ?