My Colorful Life - in Almighty Hand Forever

I have some Burmese frens in Bangkok. When one told me about what happened in Burma (Myanmar) I was shocked. Please check ko htike or Nknayman or DR If you reckon what happened in Indonesia in May 1998, this is worse. Everyone has right to live, to speak, to express one's feeling/thought in comply with the laws. Could somebody control other's life just like animal?????

Last week I talked with my friend, he mentioned about his family tree. He and his relatives has maintained family tree up to several generations before him. WOW! Now I only know me, my father and mother generation, and my grand mother generation. I also don;t know all their siblings. Our big family members have been lived separated in many cities in Indonesia. Some I only heard their names. Some I even never know that we are relatives. What if I met someone special and it turn out that he is my relative too? Please no. Anyone know where I can find a free software to record family tree?

Since mid of 2006 I stayed in Thailand I have experienced some questions about my name. When I filled the form some officers would asked: Officer: What is your last name, please write down. This my my name, I don't have last name. Officer: what is your family name? Me: Ang Officer: So write down your family name. Me: But Sir, I don't have any last name in my documents, not in my passport nor in my ID card. Officer: What? **@!@ Me: Yes, that's why I only have my name in 1 word, to comply with the passport. Officer:*Sigh* This one-word-name also give me problem when I want to buy ticket. Some company has their own solution, just write the name in last name. Some maybe will repeat the first name as the last name. Yes, it's not only me have a one-word-name. Many Indonesians are like that. We can find many Anny, Andi, Anton etc. Maybe when our parents register my birth the officer never told them to put family name. No way, the officer will ask for money (bribe???) when peop...

This picture shows the horrible animal, a real vampire that spread itches **overreacted**. Exactly mosquitoes do not bite, they only suck blood, and only female ones do. What is the difference between those two? In Surabaya the mosquitoes will 'sing' before they suck somebody's blood. We will be alerted and can prevent the incident if you wish. In Bangkok, as what my friend told me, there is no sign but I already got bitten. Sooo direct!

Thursday, September 13, 2007 As I am foreigner here, I can not read Thai characters therefore mostly I don't update with the Thai local news. Me and my friends here always have impression that Bangkok is safe, at least safer than some big cities in Indonesia. Here we (the girls) can walk around wearing hot pants (really hot!) without having naughty whistles from men. Street in Bangkok This evening when I went to buy fried rice for my dinner at the shop near my apartment, the seller told me *&&@# #@!#$% *(in Thai) which was later translated to "There is robbery near 7-11, which is just 100 meter distance from my place. The robber riding motorcycle and the victim is a girl". It was a crowded area because near university and market area yet it still happened. So Please be careful! Don't bring so much money on the purse, and if you just happen to have more than what you need to spend, just remember that I'm most welcome you and I'm ready to received your ...

I watched this drama several years ago when I was in Surabaya. This is quite long drama, sad because the wedding is a mess, the groom is dead on the wedding day. Typical Korean drama, serious illness and gangster involved made everything complicated and longer story. The lead actress is the same who plays in Ms. Kim One Million Dollar Quest. Comment: It's nice drama. Try to watch it. I like Ji Sup.

Bangkok, September 12, 2007 Sometimes in my life I tried to become a director, just like the one who directs the movie. Able to plan and decide the plot of the movie. For me I would imagine what it will be the condition. Mostly I would ask myself what would be me if I were married at the age of 23? Or what would be me if I still stayed in Surabaya? What would happen if I accepted the scholarship to Singapore? What would be me if I go to Holland? So many what if ... maybe I need ‘a programming function’ to do all the repetitive work. Put me on the condition, and try to analyze the outcome.. According to my mind of course. And it made me so stressed. In fact today I’m on the path I’ve never thought of. Never thought to study abroad in Asia, yes I ever imagine to study at USA years ago, which I thought was merely a dream that would never come true. Well, I’ve commit to the Source of my life. I will let Him to bring me to His plan, from glory to glory. Even though now I only see the tears...

Only one way to the salvation, it's Jesus Christ. **Exactly I have inserted a videoclip from Youtube, but yesterday when I checked it didn't work because the clip has been removed. Sigh**

I really need Your guidance, open my eyes o Lord. so that I can see the Way, the Truth and the Life.

September 12, 2007 Friend Where are you now? Have you forgotten me? Remember … Every Saturday night you would come to see me We all had good time With the color of laughter and tears Kindness and jealousy It was good memory When we were young and so pure Not knowing that you loved me so I just went to pursue my dream I left you behind Years ago you were succeed With your career and also family A beautiful wife and a cute child A bright future on the hand Hope you are good and sound Forever we will be friend To share the love and care To brigthen this wonderful world

Bangkok, September 12, 07 You are the inspiration of my life. You move me toward to reach the good things. You teach me what is love, the kindness in You that never ending. You teach me what is beauty. You teach me what is color. You teach me what is friend and family. You give me strength when I am weak, when I can’t face the days of my life You give me vision when I am blind You comfort me when I’m lonely, upset I know what is love, it is from You Yet I don’t know how much is Your love, to sacrifice for me, the sinner. And now I’m alive, I live in the Risen Son.

Bangkok, third week of January 2007 I think I have dream something last night .. I’m not quite sure about the details but here I try. I dream something ... I was with some of my friends .. I can’t recall who they are. There were boys and girls ... and I dunno why suddenly we must run go to other places ... seek for refuge .... what’s happening I don’t know ... so I saw you ... you are so tall and good looking ... and you carried me on your back ... I didn’t know why: is it because that I can not run at that time (too tired for example?) or what? ... so we were so close .... and I noticed that your hair was reddish ... is it real or because of coloring? ... you were so tall and I felt safe with you .... And we together with other friends finally arrived at a place. It was like an empty house in an urban area. So i want to know ... who are you? Note: Have you ever face like this? Like knowing someone you just met?

Bangkok, second week of December of 2006 I forgot when exactly I had this dream (bahasa Indonesia: mimpi or impian?), just around the second week of December’06. It was a pleasing time for me, just as if I were really there. There was a marriage in which culture I wasn’t sure: is it in International or Chinese? I thought it was in International for I wore beautiful white gown... and you looks so handsome, tall, charming. After that, I have more power in me, just like hope or we can say faith. I think that’s all my story ...

Bangkok, first week of December, 2006 Beberapa malam yang lalu aku telah bermimpi. Mimpi yang sangat aneh … spertinya saya benar-benar hidup di dalam mimpi itu. Pada waktu itu saya sedang ada pertemuan dengan teman-temanku, tapi sya lupa mereka ini dari mana, yang pasti bukan teman sekantorku. Apa mereka dari UK Petra ato mana, tp sepertinya sesama orang Kristen. Ya waktu itu setelah FA .. kmu di sebelahku. Apa kamu orang Indonesia atao orang Thailand? Mirip … I can’t tell the different. Oya, apa waktu itu kamu ngajak ngobrol? Saya lupa, mestinya ada ya .. karena kamu duduk di sebelahku … kalo ada pake bahasa apa? Klo orang Indonesia mestinya ya ngomong pake bahasa Indonesia dong … ato bahasa Inggris ya … wa wah wah .. hal seperti ini tidak bisa mengingat .... a bit careless? Anyway ... itu di rumahnya siapa ya .. ato sperti di salah satu kos-kosan cewek di Sby yang cukup besar dan banyak kamar2. sepertinya kita berteman baik, seorang teman yang bisa dipercaya. Kemudian kita berdua be...

A time in my life. I know a man, from the educational environment. Rudi is a nice man. He has many things in his nearly-30, good job/career, a house, a car, good family even though he is still single he always happy. We have a trip together, and there we discuss many things. Rudy, out of my expectation is a grumbler. He complains everything about an institution he involved with. He is kind of disappointed and with the help of his friends they complain in a formal way. Wow, it's more than 1,5 years but he still can't get through it easily. So talking with Rudy made me so TIRED. It's enough for one time, no more next time. Rudy I hope you'll be able to get your happiness.

Still in the mellow mood I had finished my study, all my academic responsibility required, now only waiting for the administrative procedure for the graduation. Yet no one knows what is the next step .. so what should I do, waiting in uncertainty? But why you keep coming to my mind. It will be better if you stay where you are and let me stay where I am. Finally ... nearly graduate.

10.09.07 Monday Today I go to Siam Park with my friend. If you ever been to Dufan Jakarta it's sort of it, but in smaller scale, and of course in many aspects Dufan is alot alot better. In Siam Park many of the games are for children, and some for adults are very 'dangerous' to us :D for we don't want to have VORTEX and BOOMERANG, the kind of roller coaster .. we end up still have so many coupon unused. We give them to the kids. We choose ticket 350 B each which is discounted 50% from original price 700B. There is another option around 1000B which we can used for VORTEX cost about 300B alone. The food is not so good too. But talk at the poolside, and we enjoy it. I think it's the best part of the trip, just like talking to an old friend we can enjoy the conversation. The DISCO TAGADA is scaring-me-to-death ... and I hold on the steel pipe so tight that my arms and my neck are hurt until 2 days after it. The INDIANA LOG aka ARUNG JERAM of DUFAN, is quite OK, but the ...

It's been more than one year I have not seen my mom. Usually it will be OK since I have a tons of activities and I enjoy every-single-second in my life. But recently due to the extra-a-little-bit-extra-ordinary circumstance I feel like become a kid again. I do really need my mom. If she is here I will cry upon her lap, I will hug her and can not say anything. Seeing her already a relief. Indeed I can not tell everything, I don't want to make her sad. Note: So wonder when this mellow-session will expire ... :D See the sky like pinky pink and the grass like the bloody red. My heart is upside down.

05.09.07 My friend is coming here. I plan to take leave and go around with him. But I need to get the route and transportation information first. It's so nice being able to 'pai thiau' with him. Don't take me wrong he is not the one I desired in my heart, in my deep red truly hidden heart. And what's good more is that he brings something for me ... already long to see Indonesian products .. so appreciate it my fren! Today is better than yesterday. I am not so upset anymore. Silly right?

02.09.07 Today many things go wrong. All I planned doesn't go smooth. It made me uneasy and upset as a perfectionist. I don't anticipate those feeling. And so the afternoon goes with bad feeling, I could not express it's blended altogether. When I reached home I cried a lot, with the reason I-dunno-why-too. I was so upset. God please comfort me I pray and I cry. And minutes later, I got phone call from my beloved family. WOW .. this is what I need, I miss them soooo much, just at the perfect time! I hope my mom will come here to visit me and we will have good time. So my feeling was better and I could concentrate to study after sometime.

In an occasion there is me and him alone at the spot, the others busy with the main activities. It's dinner time, and he has bought some food for us. him: Please prepare the dishes for us . me: Sigh!(I can not believe he told me that! Who does he think he is??? If he is my friend I will be glad to do it from my own) him: Why, what the matter? me: (can not say anything because I'm a little bit angry :(, I can not express my feeling) him: Just relax, think it as to serve the God. me: (I think this man is chauvinist) Let's eat now. I hate this situation!!! And this man is too much! bggggh!

04.09.07 Yesterday I studied for today's final exam. Actually I have started more than a month ago. Really, I try to change to habit of studying 'at the last minutes' ... what can I do then I didn't understand the text book, maybe because the time is long before the exam. Maybe my mind knows that there still some time. I couldn't concentrate. The worst thing, I even have something that is so disturbing me in my mind. I don't want to think about him now, but the 'him' keep popping up like the advertising windows stubbornly almost every time I'm idle. How can I concentrate then? Who is he that he is keep coming to my mind? Who is he that I could not keep him away? Let's see what next!

Thinking of you these days. It's wonderful days in my life. And terrible days as well. Listen to your voice make me happy. See your face make me comfort. Hear your name make me overjoy. Knowing that you don't care make me cry. And I cry all the night. Should we meet at a time like this? If only to say good bye I rather we don't meet now, when I really need somebody to trust. Not somebody who will turn his head from me just like you did. Note: Wah gimana ya klo ini dijadikan movie aja heheehe ...

31.08.07 This morning Youtube is enabled. I try to search the the clips I wanted last months ... but I coult not find it. Irony, glad and sad at the same time.

24.08.07 This morning Rina got new pencil case ... for FREE! :D ;;), a beautiful and simple one. Just as what she needs now. So she carrys with her to her friends house. Because of absent minded she left it at the bus. Sob sob ...

Why you so downcast my soul? Don't you know that God is Your Savior? Just put your hope in God, and bless the name of the Lord. (****Indeed it's difficult to give thanks at this situation, now. It cost me tons-of-tears and broken-heart to say thank you God and trust in Him. I know You never let me alone and You have beautiful future for me.****)

Am I in the wrong place now, that I keep have so many mistakes and odd situations ?? For the day it's so difficult for me to go through with God's help. Everyday I cry for His help, His comfort, His strength ... I found nothing I can do, nothing. all because of His grace. Still I feel I step into the wrong place. But I didn't insist it, only if God allows it then I will.

A Year Ago Rina met Amat. It was at the sport center where Rina is the Public Relation Manager. It seem both of them will be a good couple. A nice girl, ordinary 'girl-next-door' who has incredibly patient and love to share. A nice and mature man who can direct her to a better relationship. Let's see how things going on ...

03.09.07 I thought that yesterday was the lowest point my life. I kept forgetting things I need to do that I suffer losses in many aspects. I felt uneasy and uncomfortable, not to mention people judge toward my carelessness, which by any chance keep annoying me. What I am doing here ? Should I go home to my hometown? We'll see the answer of my prayer.